Good Morning All,

I was planning on a different kind of post today.  I know I write about my life with A.C.C. all through these blog posts, however, being that it is September 11, 2013, I felt compelled to write about the day that changed everything for all of us.  I know a lot of people will be doing the same thing as I am today.  You want to know something?  That is a great thing.  We must never forget.

911-photo-2It has been 12 years since that infamous day, and yet it feels like it happened yesterday.  Most from remembrance, because we know where we were when it happened.  Others will learn of this horrible day 12 years ago from their parents, aunts and uncles, who experienced this atrocity first hand.  Others will learn from the children of the victims who lost mothers and fathers.  Their world was torn apart on that fateful day 12 years ago.  In a way, their childhood, their innocence  was stripped from them on September 11, 2001.

September 11, 2011 was like my generations JFK assassination.  My parents would talk about the day president Kennedy was they shot.  They knew exactly where they were.  They knew what were wearing.  The remember the sites, and smells of that day.  It didn’t matter if you had A.C.C. or not.  There was no forgetting that day.  Those images, sounds, and smells were burned on our brain forever.

I remember I had to work the afternoon shift at the Market Basket deli in Rowley MA.  I hated the job because you are totally at the mercy of what we liked to call the Deli wave.  It was busy non stop from when we opened until we closed.  The weekends were worse.  It was a total burn out job.  I lasted eight months, which was probably five months too long.  I was living at home and my situation with my dad was bad.  It always has been.  Yeah, I know, I probably need therapy.  I remember staying out late drinking alone the night before so I had a slight hangover.  I woke up to the sound of lots of commotion downstairs.  I was really mad because now I couldn’t sleep in.  I remember looking at the clock.  It said 8.48 AM.  I through the covers off of me and proceeded to race downstairs to scream at people for waking me up.  I was halfway down the stairs when my mom yelled, “Brian get in here”!.  I knew something awful had happened.  I was watching in shock as the first building was engulfed in a huge explosion.  I was numb.  I thought for a second that I must not have woken up, and that this was just a bad dream.  Then my mom grabbed my hand and that is when I saw in terror as the second plane hit.  The rest of the day I was in a haze.  I went to work, and it was incredibly busy.  Probably one of the busiest days ever for the store.  When bad things happen, people flock to the supermarkets.  Whenever there is a huge blizzard, a few days before grocery stores all over New England make loads of money.  Still, it seemed like everyone else was in a fog just like me.  I will never, ever forget that day.

9-11There is one big difference between the JFK Assassination and 8/11 for me anyway.  There are two parts to my life.  I think it is safe to say that about most people today.  The two parts are what happened before 9/11 and what happened after 9/11.  Before 9/11, most Americans almost had a certain arrogance about them.  We would watch the news and see Libya, or some other third world country get bombed and it never really hit home.  Thousands of people were murdered left and right in the middle east, and we went about our day-to-day life in a sort of self-contained cocoon.  We would think things like that couldn’t happen to us?  At least that is what I thought.  We felt protected.  All that ended at 8:46:30 Am on September 11, 2001.

FDCross_FDNY_343The outpouring of grief and American pride was incredible in the days and months after 9/11.  I hope we are not getting complacent again.  Let us never forget the heroes like the 343 firemen who raced up the stairs into Hell to save as many people as they could.  Let us never forget the port authority workers and policemen who ran to help all they could.  So many people at the Pentagon reached out in support of one another.  I think, even though it was a tragedy, America showed everyone else exactly what we are made of.  We are for each other even in the midst of a horrific attack such as 9/11.

policeI know we all go through tough times.  It is easy to complain too.  We say things like, I wish I had more money in my pay check?  We may say things like why can’t I find the right guy or girl to fall madly in love with and live happily ever after with?  I think there are days it is harder for us A.C.C.ers to see the good in things.  Let us remember those who lost everything on this day and be thankful for what we have.  Remember a day above ground is a good day.  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias


Hi All,

I got to tell you guys that these blog posts for this category are harder and harder to write.  I am bringing up old wounds.  It has been very rough.  I will try to get through them for you and for me.

The only thing I remember from preschool was my two teachers.  One was very nice, the other was a witch.   Also, I remember a kid by the name of Tom Zabelski who use to grab me and stuff me in my cubby and close the door.  Then he would basically pin me in there.  This happened almost every day.  Yeah, I got bullied a lot.  I never really could stand up for myself.  I was always afraid of getting hurt, or getting in trouble.

WINTHROP SCHOOLAnyway, the picture on the right is Winthrop Elementary School in Ipswich, Ma.  Still there today.  I found out this weekend that my 1st grade teacher is still teaching.  I had the biggest crush on her way back when.  Not like the Van Halen song, “Hot For Teacher”, but you get the point.  She was so nice and not mean to me ever.  She cared about every child.  You really don’t see that anymore.  Oh, I want to make a quick note about most of my teachers; You will find that I hate mean teachers throughout this category.  I had a lot of bad teachers, and some good ones.  Some teachers I thought were mean, but ended up being fantastic teachers.

Some of my memories of elementary school are good ones.  Not many but here are a few.  My resource room teacher, Mrs. Bowman, was great.  I may have mentioned this room in a past blog.  I honestly forget.  A.C.C. rearing its head at me again.  This was the special classroom I had to go to everyday for a certain amount of time and work on things.  These tasks ranged from working on fine motor skills like finger dexterity, to reading and reading comprehension.  I remember because of my fingers and hands having poor nerves, (not sure if that was because of A.C.C. or not), I had to have a special  grip that slipped over my pencils so I could write better.  My penmanship is pretty bad.  One of the things I wish I got from my mother, but it wasn’t to be.  Of course, the plan of action for my sessions here where probably pretty vague.  This was before they started diagnosing A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. like it was going out of style.  This was before anyone had heard of an anxiety attack, or social anxiety disorder.  Obviously I didn’t know I had A.C.C at this time in my life.rocky-4-beardrocky4loft

I did have my coming out party as a drummer.  It was really great actually.  Now I know I am dating myself here, but one of my favorite movies was the Rocky saga.  Rocky IV had just come out and one of the songs was, “Hearts On Fire” by John Cafferty.  I loved it and I played it on the drums, every darn lick of it.  Everyone in the cafeteria went nuts after I finished.  I felt like I was on top of the world.  I felt like, wow, I am finally getting noticed.  Maybe that gorgeous girl Jaqueline Rodham that I see in mt classes will ask me out on a date and maybe we will fall in love and get married and have kids.  Well, it was 3rd grade, but still, a kid can dream can’t he?  There is a picture of me right before I play that song in the photo album, but I need to dig that out.  My mom was my roadie that day and cued up the music and everything.  Here is the video.  If this doesn’t get you fired up, you have issues.

Alex+Van+Halen+Van+Halen+Dress+Rehearsal+Forum+IQw6zuGVZV_lIt was great, I felt like Alex Van Halen for a day.  Everyone was coming up to me and saying what a great job I did.  The fifth grade teacher, who played saxophone on the side, actually called the middle school/high school band director and told him he has to meet me and told him how I apparently blew the doors off the school.  Everyone before that thought I was off, a little awkward, a little slow, and I hated that.  For the next week, I was suddenly king of the school.

bully-cartoonThat didn’t last very long though.  Jacqueline never came calling, asking for my number.  Or for a date at the Parish House for ice-cream.  After that week, everything went back to the way it was.  People crapping all over me, beating me up for m lunch money and I was crushed.

The other memory that sticks out in my mind from that year, and throughout my elementary school years happened in late January.  The event was watched challenger-explosionvery closely because it felt like this special teacher was one of us.  She was a New Englander.  I know that 9/11 happened and that polarized everyone in America like nothing else.  This was very much like 9/11, though.  From that day forward until 9/11 happened, it was like our JFK assassination.  Where were you when the Challenger exploded.  It was awful, it was a tragedy, and the sad thing was, all they had to do was wait for warmer weather.  So sad.

challenger-crewI remember my third grade teacher Ms. Sirois and the other 3rd grade teacher Ms. Fallabella stopped the class and we had a television brought in to watch the launch.  Everything went as planned.  Then main engines started firing six seconds prior to launch.  At zero the main boosters fired and challenger ascended to the starts.  They had cleared the tower.  73 seconds later, the unthinkable happened.  We lost seven amazing souls that day.

Now it has been so long since I was in elementary school, that I don’t really remember much.  I do remember taking up the trumpet in 4th and 5th grade.  Our band was good I guess.  The trumpet didn’t last long.  I guess I was born to have sticks in my hand, not a big brass horn stuck to my lips.

I hope you are enjoying my posts.  I am enjoying this great journey as well.  Catch my next post when we delve into my middle school years.  Oh, were they Hell!  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias

Pats vs. Bills Week One


Oh my word what a roller coaster that was!  I knew it was coming too.  I know we are now 23-2 in our last 25 games against the Bills, but lately it just seems like a grind with them.  They always play us tough.  The Bills new quarterback, EJ Manuel is very good.  So without further a due, here are my grades for week one.

OFFENSE: Overall C

QB’s: B+

Tom was good, not great this week.  He had 288 passing yards with two touchdowns and one interception.  The tight ends were very quiet.  Tom Brady was 1-of-3 for 5 yards and an interception when targeting tight ends on Sunday, the second time since the start of 2010 that Patriots tight ends have not caught multiple passes in a game.  We need Gronk back badly.  That pick was not his fault.  He needs more time to gel with his wide outs.  He did a great job on the last drive to set up the game winning field goal.  Grade B+


Riddley was awful.  His grade was a D-.  He needs to hold onto the damn ball.  I am glad they benched him.  Vereen balanced things out with a tremendous showing.  His grade is an A.


The tight ends did nothing.


The wide receiver corp was a mixed bag.  Yes, Edleman with a grade of an A, and Amendola same grade, had great showings, but that was it.  The rookies need to get on the same page with Brady.  Most of the plays, they looked like a monkey screwing a football.   They need to work on their routes especially.

Offensive Line: C

Tom was hurried, sacked and rushed way too much.  They made some nice holes for Vereen, but overall, I think they need to do a better job.

Defense: C-

Defensive Line: C

They did a decent job against the run, but they need to apply far more pressure on the QB.

Linebackers: C

See above.

Secondary: C

The only reason why it is this high is the only shining light for the secondary was Kyle Arrington.  He had a great game.

Special Teams: B

Stephen Gostkowski had A a great game, and the unit did manage to pin the Bills deep in their own zone a few times.

FINAL GRADE= 66% D  We need lots of work.


Hi Gang,

Okay, I want to say something right off the bat.  I have read through some of my old posts and I get it.  They seem a bit down, depressing, or angry at times.  There may be a good explanation for that.  I think it is just the time in my life that I am in right now.  I am older and a little wiser to how the world works.  I was completely sheltered as a kid.  I was brought up to think that everyone is nice and the world is great.  Well, we all know that is a lie.  Yes, human kind is thriving, and over all, people are good.  There are a whole lot of people who are mean, and do evil things.  Also, having A.C.C. and having a horrible self-image makes it tough to look at the good things in life at times.  I have my good days and my bad days just like all of you.  There is hope that things can be better.  One of my all time favorite movies is, “The Shawshank Redemption”,   I think Andy hits the nail right on the head for hope.

shawshank-redemptionAndy Dufresne: That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you… Haven’t you ever felt that way about music?

Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn’t make much sense in here.

Andy Dufresne: Here’s where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don’t forget.

Red: Forget?

Andy Dufresne: Forget that… there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.

Red: What’re you talking about?

Andy Dufresne: Hope.

Les-Brown-QuotesAbout four years ago, a very good friend of mine gave me a CD of Les Brown.  I was in a very dark place in my life and Larry knew it.  He told me to listen to the CD and really take in what Les was saying.  Well, it changed my outlook on so many things.  Now whenever I get down, I listen to his tapes, or go back to his quotes.  I have read a few of his books and they really help.

Here is the kicker, this isn’t an overnight thing.  You don’t wake up the next morning and feel happy all the time for eternity.  It takes work.  It is the same as someone needing to lose weight, or someone who wants to quit smoking.  You have to change your way of thinking every day.  With weight loss, you can’t just say I am going on the Atkins Diet.  You have to combine the diet with exercise.  It takes work.  When I quit smoking, I stopped hanging at this bar I use to frequent for three whole months.  People thought I dropped off the face of the planet.  This was before they banned smoking in bars and restaurants.  I knew if I went there, the smoke that billowed from the bar would make me want to smoke.  You may even have to make big changes like deciding some of the people you hang around with are bringing you down.  It is best to stay away from them.

I wanted to shLes-Brown-Quotes-1are this mans great works and looks on life so the next time you feel down and out, Les Brown may be there to lift you up.  I have included a link to his site, though I think it is under construction.  I have also listed a website where you can get his books.  Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the post for this information.

One last thing before I go.  Successful people aren’t so much born great.  Look at Les Brown.  He was born on the bare floor of a tenement project building and given away.  Thank God for Mamie Brown.  Listen to his CD’s and read his books.  You will find out what an amazing woman she was.  Les Brown is successful because he has a hunger and a drive.  He also did what great successful people do.  He started hanging out with other successful people.  Who we hang around with greatly affects our mood and outlook in life.  Hang around successful people, and you will find the road to success.  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias



Hi Gang,

Now I know what you guys are thinking.  Is this post going to be Brian talking about LesBrown1how he is a perfectionist?  Well, my answer will be maybe.  I personally agree with the great motivational speaker Mr. Les Brown.  He talks about the phrase, practice makes perfect.  He completely disagrees with that phrase and so do I.  He says that it should be stricken from the English language, and so do I.

Seeing as the NFL starts tomorrow night, (I amjerry_rice so pumped) I am reminded what Jerry Rice said about the word perfect, or being perfect.  Now here is a guy who was far and away the greatest wide receiver in NFL history,  He broke every record there was.  He was as close to perfection on the field, than almost anyone else in the entire history of the league.  I remember reading somewhere in maybe Sports Illustrated or seeing a video about him and he was saying that in all those games, he never had the perfect game.  Yes, he may have had 5 touchdowns in one game and shattered the record for receiving yards in a game, but maybe he missed a block or didn’t run all of his routs correctly.  Talk about a humble guy who strives for perfection and gives it 150% every time he took the field.

I must add one more person to this list.  I know I have mentioned him before, but hnpe fits into this discussion also.  Neil Peart is one of if not the greatest drummers ever.  His sticking, or chops are unequaled.  He is so precise in his drumming that is boggles the mind.  Yet he isn’t perfect either.  Maybe I just think they are so good, that they are way closer to perfect than me.  That is probably true, but that is because they work on their craft constantly.  When it comes to perfection, one thing is for certain.  Being perfect is impossible.  Only God is perfect.  So in that regard, this will not be about me being a perfectionist.

I think the biggest thing for me isn’t that I am a perfectionist, it is that my biggest fear is actually failing.  Is that the same as being a perfectionist?  I don’t know.  Whenever I was in simperfect-perfectionist,jpgchool and their was a project to do, I did the best I could.  When the teacher graded the papers, or projects, they would always hold a few aside to talk about how that person went above and beyond and their work was exceptional.  I was never in that group.  Most of the time, I was in the just getting by group, but not because I didn’t try.  Schools don’t care about the work put in, they care about the grade.  I desperately wanted to be a winner.  No one likes being a loser.  No one wants to hang out with losers.  I always felt the crushing pain and blow of being on the losing end of so many thingsperfect.Growing up in my father’s house was no easy task.  He was a drunk and a control freak, so I felt I had to do everything just so, just right, to be perfect if you will, but it never happened.  Again, the angry head of failing reared its gruesome head at me.  Also, how can I now look at doing anything in a perfect manner.  I have A.C.C.  Everything is mixed up upstairs, or takes longer to get to where you want the message to go.  Of course, I didn’t know this at the time.

It even happens now.  I will cook something and it is really good, but maybe I could have made it betterperfectionism.  I second guess myself constantly.  This is especially true with being a father.  I want to be the best father I can be with the kids.  I want to be better than my dad was in every way.  I think I am a better person than he was or is, but He has so many things that are his, and also that he has given to me that I can’t do for my family at this point.  Most of this is monetarily driven or material driven.  Like a house.  A nice car.  A very nice bank account.  I don’t have those things right now, and looking forward, I am not sure when I will have those things.  I do think I deserve those things.  I have worked hard for it.  I know a lot of you deserve them too.  I guess it is hard to be happy with who you are.  Well, it is for me.  Do Les, Jerry and Neil have a fear of failing?  I wonder.

I really want to know if you guys suffer from this.  Please let me know.  Until next time.

Anger 2


Good Morning All,


I am sorry I have been a bit MIA lately.  I have an enormous family and we had a fEmilybdayew parties this weekend.  We celebrated Emily’s 4th birthday on Saturday.  It was great.  See the pictures I added?  The cake was amazing.  My friend Andrea and Sarah made the entire cake from scratch.  If any of you local people need any baked goods hand made with love, please visit her site at  She is amazing.

I hope you all had a restful Memorial Day weekend.  I hope everyone got their kids off to school safe and sound.  Emily goes to her first day of Head Start  in a couple of weeks,  I am already freaking out.  You see, when she went to TREC, I went with her on the bus.  Since we didn’t have cash for a sitter, Ben came along too.  It was great.  Now, she goes alone on the bus and is gone almost all day.  Well, it will seem like it is all day.  This will be good for both Emily and Ben.  Emily needs more interaction with other kids.  To learn to share more and hopefully, she will see other kids going potty and finally get over the hump, and we can get out of diapers for good.  My mother-in-law got her Cinderella underwear for her birthday.  Yeah, thanks a lot.  I know your other grand-kid is perfect and is potty trained.  Leave Emily alone, she will be fine.  This transition will also be great for Ben.  He is still a bit slow o speak.  The reason for this is because Emily says everything for him.  I think he needs some Daddy and Ben time.  To be honest, I could use a break from two kids down to one if only for a few hours.  The kids are 16 months apart.

That MR.MOMbrings me to the theme of this post.  Parenting, or fatherhood and A.C.C.  I am in a rather new position in my life.  It has been a bit of an adjustment to get use to.  See, I always knew when I got married that I would be the one to go to work and provide for my family.  I will get to a larger blog about working with A.C.C. at later time.Well, that all changed two months ago when my disability finally came through.  Now I am the stay at home dad.

I must sstay-at-home-dad-resume1ay, it is a challenge.  My mom made it look so easy.  There are so many things that you take for granted as a kid, and knowing what your parents go through for you day in and day out is one of them.  My mother has the patients of a saint.  She had to to put up with us kids.  Well, I wasn’t a horrible kid, I was a good kid.  The thing is I know I was probably a pain in the ass at times.  I mean I try and keep the house clean with the laundry, the cooking and the cleaning of the clutter, but I feel as though I am shoveling shit up against the tides.  Mothers out there, and stay at home dad’s don’t get their due.  This is a full time job, but we don’t get paid for it.  The other thing is I don’t get respect from others.  The other day I made a big salad with all the fixings.  Fresh tomatoes from our garden.  Cut up green pepper, shredded cheese and slices of ham.  The kicker was the garlic and herb croutons I made from scratch.  I also made two dressings from scratch.  I love to cook.  Well, I got looks when I said that and also when I said I made this whole dish from scratch.  See for some reason my immediate family, and most of my extended family thinks I am a lazy ass.  A lot of that has to do with my job history, as well as a few other things, but they don’t know the whole story.  Some days I want to scream and say something like,  look, I have A.C.C and I am dealing with shit you couldn’t possibly fathom.  It pisses me off.  I go back to the whole Forrest Gump term.

In tying this into the A.C.C Discussion, I am wondering that someone like me, who deals with anxiety on a nearly daily or even hour by hour basis it seems, how does that affect my parenting?  Since I get confused very easily, or patients grows thin, does that mean my tolerance is low for screaming kids?  I mean, would my attitude be better if I didn’t have A.C.C?  Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would die for them, but kids can be kids.  Especially a four year old and a two and a half year old.  Parenting is different than when I was a kid.  You can’t kit your kids.  Well, spankings are okay and I do pat them on the tush when needed, but it is so different than when I was a kid.  My dad would look at me once.  Then he would haul off and whack me.  I mean hard.  He instilled the wrath of God into me.  I cannot, and will not do that to my kids.  There is only so much my brain can handle at any given time.  Then I need a break.  I am with the kids 24-7.

DADFather Holding Baby on Shoulder

The bitch of it is that Sarah is mad at me when I say I am going out on the weekends.  I don’t go out both days every weekend.  And by no means do I say I am going out and will be gone for 48 hours straight.  When I say I am going out, that doesn’t mean I am going clubbing or going to the bar yo tie one on, not at all.  It just means I need Brian alone time.  This has many meanings.  It may mean we need some groceries and I want to go by myself to get them instead of the whole family.  It may mean I am going out to play golf, or to git a bucket of balls.  Sarah takes that as I am deserting the family.  You see, I can’t win.  Do you guys feel like your stress levels elevate faster because of A.C.C. and that your brain’s tolerance can only take so much which would be significantly lower than the average persons brain?  What can I do?  Please advise.  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias


Hello All Again,

When I first was told I have Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, I had so many questions that went through my head.  The range of questions was all over the place. First off, I wanted to find out what the heck it was, and how did I get.  Then that led to asking, will it kill me?  Is there something I can take to cure myself?  What can I do for this to get better?  Who has this?  Does it get better?  Does it get worse?  Are there groups I can talk with to get through this?  The list went on and on.  There was a bit of a dawning that occurred at the same time, however.  That was the realization that my life was always a bit off, a bit strange, and very different from most.  This finally was the answer to those feelings and emotions.

I was shocked to learn a few things when I started doing my researching.  The first was that there isn’t much out there other than what is on Wikipedia.  Well, that was my first thought.  Yes, with diseases like breast cancer, or heart disease, the information they have and the research they are doing for it are much greater.  These diseases can be cured, unlike A.C.C. which are permanent.  You have it, and it wont get worse or better.

There was a couple of things that really helped me out, and I hope I can share them with you so they will help you out as well.  The first, I am sure most of you know already.  Facebook isn’t just games and sharing pictures and recipes.  There are many great groups out there composed of people like you and me with A.C.C.  You all have been a Godsend to me.  I appreciate everything you do.

The second great resource that I found was through my buddy Matt.  He told me about the University of Maine A.C.C.-istserv.  If you haven’t signed up for this yet, I implore you to do so.  I have included the link here.  The book below has been invaluable to me as well.  I highly recommend picking one up.

ACC Book

I want to get my hands on this book as well.  It is called A.C.C. and Me.  Oh wait, that is the title of this blog.  Does that mean I have to change my blog name?  I hear it is a great read for children with A.C.C.  The site is:

Also, the great people at the National Organization for Disorders of the Corpus Callosum cannot be left out of this post.  See you near Boston for the 2014 Conference.  Don’t forget to sign up.  That means you Kyle, and Rebecca.  Here is their site.


When I first posted this post, I mentioned this site from Brazil.  The A.C.C. was kicking in big time because I mentioned a name but it was the wrong person.  After reviewing the comments, I now have the right person. Her name is Alessandra Rigazzo and her sites are below.

I hope this information is useful to you.  If you know of other resources, please let me know.  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias