Me and God

Good Morning All,
Okay, I knew I wanted to write something about this subject for this blog, and how it ties into living with A.C.C., but I didn’t know how to go about it.  I know there are people out there who are very religious.  Then there are others who aren’t at all.  I am not trying to get all holy roller on anyone.  I am not trying to say I am better than anyone else.  We all struggle and I am included in that.  I just have a lot of questions about this subject that I wanted to throw by you to see if you have encountered any sort of balance, or peace with your life.  I also don’t want this to sound like a woe is me rant.  Sarah, my wife loves to throw that in my face a lot.  What I can’t vent or complain sometimes I tell her?  She doesn’t know what I go through every day just to live.  If she did, she wouldn’t say things like that.  Okay so there are what six billion people on this earth?  What is the percentage of us with A.C.C?  Far less, I am sure.  I just wish she would try and understand what I go through every day.  My life is harder than hers, and she is always trying to flip that and say the opposite.
I wanted to give you a background on me.  I was brought up Catholic, but I am not a catholic anymore.  This probably hurts my mom, because she Jesusprobably thinks I am going to Hell because I don;t go to her church anymore.  My mom studied at the convent for 2 years after high school before leaving and then she met my dad.  I am sure you can imagine my upbringing.  Lets just say it was very strict.  Not mean, but I had to go to Church every Sunday and go to Sunday School and get Confirmed.  I was an altar boy.  It was basically shoved down my throat.  After college, was when all the horrible stuff came out about the catholic priests.  That, combined with not having a choice about my religious thoughts, made me leave the Catholic Church.  It really started in college for me.  I am planning on getting more into that in my “My Life” segment.
A friend of mine from a job we both had invited me to a church function at the Congregational Church he went to a few years back and I have been going ever since.  I like it there much better because no one judges me.  The support me.  I am part of the mens group and it is a great source if support.  I just have a hard time getting Sarah to come along with me.  We are on different religious paths at this point, and it is hard to synch up if you know what I mean.  Our Church has a great womans group, but Sarah has only been to one event.  I have been reading through the Bible every day for the past few weeks.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long time.  I have never read the entire Bible before.  I know a few passages here and there but that is it.
As I was saying, life is hard in general, but life is even harder for us A.C.C. people.  How can we live up to what God wants every day?  Below is a passage of what Jesus says about how to live.  This is pretty steep.  Is he asking us to be perfect?  I mean Adam and Eve had it perfect, but they blew it, so do we just blame them and say we will never live up to what Jesus does or says?  I will not murder anyone but I get mad a lot.  My mother-in-law is a very mean person.  I do not like her at all.  I have even gone on to say if I could end her life and get away with it I would.  Now obviously I am not going to do that because no one gets away with that down here.  Okay, maybe O.J. Simpson.  But no one gets away with that up there in heaven.  Does that mean I am going to Hell?  My patients is thin.  Now throw in having A.C.C, what do I do?  I will not lie.  I have never committed adultery.  I have however looked at a cute woman walking down the street and was like wow she is beautiful.  I had sunglasses on at the time and my eyes moved.  Wives can hear neck muscles creak.  They hear everything.  A few of my relatives have divorced and remarried.  Does that mean they are going to Hell?  My ant was in a very abusive relationship.  She got out.  I think she did the right thing.  Love thy enemies?  Are you kidding> No one can do that, especially A.C.C. people.  I have a very close friend who has A.C.C and is in a crappy job.  Yes, I know, in this day and age it is good to have any job.  But the verbal and emotional abuse he takes every day is brutal.  So he should still love his coworkers?  Come on.  Damn, as I was writing that last sentence, I had another good thought.  Once I finished the sentence it was gone.  Maybe it will come back.  All those kids at school that made my life a living Hell, I need to love them?  What did they do for me?  Did they love me?  Did they show me respect?  Did they try and walk in my shoes?  Oh, that thought is back.  That whole bit about honor thy mother and father?  Are you out of your mind?  I have to honor my father?  I don’t think so.  Scroll down to see my thoughts on Job.  He was a great man to do what he did.


21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother[c] will be liable to judgment; whoever insults[d] his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell[e] of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.[f]


27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.


31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers,[i] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Here is a story of a great man.  He loses everything and still praises God.  How could he have done that.  He is a better man than I, for sure.

Job 1:13-22

Job Loses everythingJob

13 One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 14 a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, 15 and the Sabeans attacked and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

16 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The fire of God fell from the heavens and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

17 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

18 While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 19 when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[a]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.”

22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Anyone who loses a family member, let alone your whole family and still can go on is amazing to me.  My cousin John Nicastro comes to mind.  His son, JJ dies at the young age of twelve, suddenly.  Please see the link I have included.  Read his letter to JJ.  Now how can you go on living and praising God after that.  I know I still am living, thank God, but it is hard not so say something like God, why did you give me this A.C.C?  I know you say there is nothing you give me that I can’t handle, but there are days that is so hard and I think God isn’t there, or that I will break.  What gets me through that dark time is know there are many other beautiful people with A.C., some far worse than I, and I get grounded again.

Below is one of my favorite passages from the Bible.  It was a theme to a camp I went to called C.A.M.P.S.  It is an acronym that stands for Christ as my personal Savior.  I still love it, but what is the plan that God has for me?  At one time, I wanted to grow up and be Larry Bird.  My hands made that all but impossible.  Then I wanted to grow up and be in a rock and roll band.

Jeremiah 29-11jeremiah-29-11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What is the plan?  Where do I stand?  Where do we stand?  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias

2 thoughts on “Me and God

  1. Aimee

    Here is my take on God!!! I am Catholic BUT I remember there is only one God!!! Whether you are Catholic, Baptist, Protestant, or whichever, he is everyone’s God. Yes as a Catholic we were taught divorce was a no no! But He is the only one who can judge!!! He sees everything that everyone goes through and knows their situations. I believe he forgives those. You live for yourself and family and be happy!!! Turn the other cheek whenever possible because I truly believe those who taunt and consider themselves so much better, are the ones who don’t love themselves and have such great darkness in their hearts!!!! I am happy how my life is going now, and no one can change that or take it away from me!!!

  2. Shannan Lord

    Life, is hard for all of us. Joining an ACC community has been eye-opening and my heart breaks for what each individual faces when living with this. I wish we would face people in love and not be cruel and reject those that are different. I look back on my hardships in life and I while I don’t have ACC I think wow I survived that. You see we all have a journey and a story and some people have faced extreme hardships. Take my adopted son, left in a dustbin at age 8 months, malnourished and unclothed. Placed in an orphanage and fed one meal a day. Entered a rural school at 11 for the first time and teased relentlessly for being so old in grade 1, not having parents and living in a home. Raped by the male social worker in the home for 2 years. Kicked out of the home at age 12 because he was rebellious. Lived on the street with group of children pimping themselves for money to buy glue to sniff to escape reality. Picked up at 16 by a kind woman running a back street shabeen and worked there till she passed away when he was 18. I took him in at this stage and have been caring for him, found him employment, helping improve on his 16 months of education and ensuring he has a roof over his head. If I can place values in his life that will help him not repeat the events as they happened to him. He will never find his parents, he will always have intestinal problems from sexual abuse but he will also always have me and my family no matter what he does, he is now 22. My son Timothy will never experience what TK went through but he will have trouble, Jesus predicted this:
    John 16 : 33
    …32″Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. 33″These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

    When I am at the bedside of an 8 year old who has been brutally raped and mutilated that I pray for her to die because I cannot think how she will live with this. When I work in communities with people who smile but have the most horrific tales. When I say goodnight to people knowing they will not have a meal tonight to feed their children my courage fails me and its hard to forgive and not judge abusive people but the word cautions us:

    Matthew 7:1-3
    1″Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2″For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3″Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?…
    Matthew 6:14
    For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

    Judgement brings judgement on us, as we judge so we will be judged. When I look at my failings I often see how I treated others with the same failings. I hate abuse but love the abuser, I hate injustice but love the enforcer is it easy no, but all too often where I thought I would have no compassion I find enlightenment in that persons personal journey and in a small way my acceptance grows.

    I am so sorry people have failed you, I am so sorry for the hurt and devastation cause in your life by insensitive people. I pray that the LORD will touch you to the very core of that hurt. Our heart is like a hard drive they store hurts, we design “patches” to protect ourselves from those memories and hurts but these patched only cover up the problem, they don’t repair the hurt. We have accepted an believed lies that have been spoken over our lives over the years. Only our manufacturer and owner (GOD) can give us labels but we accept labels from people and allow them to define who we are. Release those hurts to your manufacturer and let go and let GOD….do exceedingly above and beyond what we could hope or imagine.
    Ephesiand 3 :19 and 20
    …19and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. 20Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,


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