NEW LOOK AT LIFE

Good Morning All,

Cake.jpg

I am sorry I have been a bit MIA lately.  I have an enormous family and we had a fEmilybdayew parties this weekend.  We celebrated Emily’s 4th birthday on Saturday.  It was great.  See the pictures I added?  The cake was amazing.  My friend Andrea and Sarah made the entire cake from scratch.  If any of you local people need any baked goods hand made with love, please visit her site at http://www.everydayisaparty.biz/.  She is amazing.

I hope you all had a restful Memorial Day weekend.  I hope everyone got their kids off to school safe and sound.  Emily goes to her first day of Head Start  in a couple of weeks,  I am already freaking out.  You see, when she went to TREC, I went with her on the bus.  Since we didn’t have cash for a sitter, Ben came along too.  It was great.  Now, she goes alone on the bus and is gone almost all day.  Well, it will seem like it is all day.  This will be good for both Emily and Ben.  Emily needs more interaction with other kids.  To learn to share more and hopefully, she will see other kids going potty and finally get over the hump, and we can get out of diapers for good.  My mother-in-law got her Cinderella underwear for her birthday.  Yeah, thanks a lot.  I know your other grand-kid is perfect and is potty trained.  Leave Emily alone, she will be fine.  This transition will also be great for Ben.  He is still a bit slow o speak.  The reason for this is because Emily says everything for him.  I think he needs some Daddy and Ben time.  To be honest, I could use a break from two kids down to one if only for a few hours.  The kids are 16 months apart.

That MR.MOMbrings me to the theme of this post.  Parenting, or fatherhood and A.C.C.  I am in a rather new position in my life.  It has been a bit of an adjustment to get use to.  See, I always knew when I got married that I would be the one to go to work and provide for my family.  I will get to a larger blog about working with A.C.C. at later time.Well, that all changed two months ago when my disability finally came through.  Now I am the stay at home dad.

I must sstay-at-home-dad-resume1ay, it is a challenge.  My mom made it look so easy.  There are so many things that you take for granted as a kid, and knowing what your parents go through for you day in and day out is one of them.  My mother has the patients of a saint.  She had to to put up with us kids.  Well, I wasn’t a horrible kid, I was a good kid.  The thing is I know I was probably a pain in the ass at times.  I mean I try and keep the house clean with the laundry, the cooking and the cleaning of the clutter, but I feel as though I am shoveling shit up against the tides.  Mothers out there, and stay at home dad’s don’t get their due.  This is a full time job, but we don’t get paid for it.  The other thing is I don’t get respect from others.  The other day I made a big salad with all the fixings.  Fresh tomatoes from our garden.  Cut up green pepper, shredded cheese and slices of ham.  The kicker was the garlic and herb croutons I made from scratch.  I also made two dressings from scratch.  I love to cook.  Well, I got looks when I said that and also when I said I made this whole dish from scratch.  See for some reason my immediate family, and most of my extended family thinks I am a lazy ass.  A lot of that has to do with my job history, as well as a few other things, but they don’t know the whole story.  Some days I want to scream and say something like,  look, I have A.C.C and I am dealing with shit you couldn’t possibly fathom.  It pisses me off.  I go back to the whole Forrest Gump term.

In tying this into the A.C.C Discussion, I am wondering that someone like me, who deals with anxiety on a nearly daily or even hour by hour basis it seems, how does that affect my parenting?  Since I get confused very easily, or patients grows thin, does that mean my tolerance is low for screaming kids?  I mean, would my attitude be better if I didn’t have A.C.C?  Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and would die for them, but kids can be kids.  Especially a four year old and a two and a half year old.  Parenting is different than when I was a kid.  You can’t kit your kids.  Well, spankings are okay and I do pat them on the tush when needed, but it is so different than when I was a kid.  My dad would look at me once.  Then he would haul off and whack me.  I mean hard.  He instilled the wrath of God into me.  I cannot, and will not do that to my kids.  There is only so much my brain can handle at any given time.  Then I need a break.  I am with the kids 24-7.

DADFather Holding Baby on Shoulder

The bitch of it is that Sarah is mad at me when I say I am going out on the weekends.  I don’t go out both days every weekend.  And by no means do I say I am going out and will be gone for 48 hours straight.  When I say I am going out, that doesn’t mean I am going clubbing or going to the bar yo tie one on, not at all.  It just means I need Brian alone time.  This has many meanings.  It may mean we need some groceries and I want to go by myself to get them instead of the whole family.  It may mean I am going out to play golf, or to git a bucket of balls.  Sarah takes that as I am deserting the family.  You see, I can’t win.  Do you guys feel like your stress levels elevate faster because of A.C.C. and that your brain’s tolerance can only take so much which would be significantly lower than the average persons brain?  What can I do?  Please advise.  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias

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