Hi All,

I have had something on my mind for a very long time.  In a word, writing.  I guess you could say I am living that dream now with these blogs, but I want to go big.  Go big or go home, that is my motto.  I have always wanted to write a book.

One of the ideas I had was a life story of me living with A.C.C.  I guess my plan now is to extrapolate these blogs into one big narrative with chapters.  Another idea I had was to write a novel where the main protagonist deals with living with A.C.C.  One of my  favorite things to do is to read true crime novels.  I love to watch Cold Case Files on A&E, or American Justice, which is on the same channel. Bio has a lot of great shows like Mystery Detectives and The New Detectives.

My idea for the story is the main character is a detective looking for a serial killer,  The reason why he became a cop was his father was a cop and was killed in the line of duty.  I was thinking of titles for the novel, like on the trail of the devil.  I had some others, but they all sounded pretentious, or melodramatic.


Another idea I had came from my love of reading Stephen King.  He is my favorite author.  It is along the same lines where the main character is a cop, but I would throw in a mental hospital that was closed years ago and now they are condos that are haunted and killings are rampant.  He must solve the mystery.  I have one big problem.  That problem is confidence to write.  I have these great ideas, but when I go to write them, I chicken out and all these things come into my head.  Things like, you were never a good reader, or writer, what are you thinking?  Another is, you have A.C.C., you aren’t smart like the masters King, Poe, Dickens, or Clancy.  There is a book called, “The Magic Of Thinking Big.”  They call this action excusitis.


A dear friend says I should just write and worry about the form and flow later.  I wish I didn’t hate myself.  Well, that is too harsh.  I wish my self esteem was far better than it is.  What do you guys think of the ideas?  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias


Me and God

Good Morning All,
Okay, I knew I wanted to write something about this subject for this blog, and how it ties into living with A.C.C., but I didn’t know how to go about it.  I know there are people out there who are very religious.  Then there are others who aren’t at all.  I am not trying to get all holy roller on anyone.  I am not trying to say I am better than anyone else.  We all struggle and I am included in that.  I just have a lot of questions about this subject that I wanted to throw by you to see if you have encountered any sort of balance, or peace with your life.  I also don’t want this to sound like a woe is me rant.  Sarah, my wife loves to throw that in my face a lot.  What I can’t vent or complain sometimes I tell her?  She doesn’t know what I go through every day just to live.  If she did, she wouldn’t say things like that.  Okay so there are what six billion people on this earth?  What is the percentage of us with A.C.C?  Far less, I am sure.  I just wish she would try and understand what I go through every day.  My life is harder than hers, and she is always trying to flip that and say the opposite.
I wanted to give you a background on me.  I was brought up Catholic, but I am not a catholic anymore.  This probably hurts my mom, because she Jesusprobably thinks I am going to Hell because I don;t go to her church anymore.  My mom studied at the convent for 2 years after high school before leaving and then she met my dad.  I am sure you can imagine my upbringing.  Lets just say it was very strict.  Not mean, but I had to go to Church every Sunday and go to Sunday School and get Confirmed.  I was an altar boy.  It was basically shoved down my throat.  After college, was when all the horrible stuff came out about the catholic priests.  That, combined with not having a choice about my religious thoughts, made me leave the Catholic Church.  It really started in college for me.  I am planning on getting more into that in my “My Life” segment.
A friend of mine from a job we both had invited me to a church function at the Congregational Church he went to a few years back and I have been going ever since.  I like it there much better because no one judges me.  The support me.  I am part of the mens group and it is a great source if support.  I just have a hard time getting Sarah to come along with me.  We are on different religious paths at this point, and it is hard to synch up if you know what I mean.  Our Church has a great womans group, but Sarah has only been to one event.  I have been reading through the Bible every day for the past few weeks.  This is something I have wanted to do for a long time.  I have never read the entire Bible before.  I know a few passages here and there but that is it.
As I was saying, life is hard in general, but life is even harder for us A.C.C. people.  How can we live up to what God wants every day?  Below is a passage of what Jesus says about how to live.  This is pretty steep.  Is he asking us to be perfect?  I mean Adam and Eve had it perfect, but they blew it, so do we just blame them and say we will never live up to what Jesus does or says?  I will not murder anyone but I get mad a lot.  My mother-in-law is a very mean person.  I do not like her at all.  I have even gone on to say if I could end her life and get away with it I would.  Now obviously I am not going to do that because no one gets away with that down here.  Okay, maybe O.J. Simpson.  But no one gets away with that up there in heaven.  Does that mean I am going to Hell?  My patients is thin.  Now throw in having A.C.C, what do I do?  I will not lie.  I have never committed adultery.  I have however looked at a cute woman walking down the street and was like wow she is beautiful.  I had sunglasses on at the time and my eyes moved.  Wives can hear neck muscles creak.  They hear everything.  A few of my relatives have divorced and remarried.  Does that mean they are going to Hell?  My ant was in a very abusive relationship.  She got out.  I think she did the right thing.  Love thy enemies?  Are you kidding> No one can do that, especially A.C.C. people.  I have a very close friend who has A.C.C and is in a crappy job.  Yes, I know, in this day and age it is good to have any job.  But the verbal and emotional abuse he takes every day is brutal.  So he should still love his coworkers?  Come on.  Damn, as I was writing that last sentence, I had another good thought.  Once I finished the sentence it was gone.  Maybe it will come back.  All those kids at school that made my life a living Hell, I need to love them?  What did they do for me?  Did they love me?  Did they show me respect?  Did they try and walk in my shoes?  Oh, that thought is back.  That whole bit about honor thy mother and father?  Are you out of your mind?  I have to honor my father?  I don’t think so.  Scroll down to see my thoughts on Job.  He was a great man to do what he did.


21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother[c] will be liable to judgment; whoever insults[d] his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell[e] of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26 Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.[f]


27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.


31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers,[i] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Here is a story of a great man.  He loses everything and still praises God.  How could he have done that.  He is a better man than I, for sure.

Job 1:13-22

Job Loses everythingJob

13 One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 14 a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, 15 and the Sabeans attacked and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

16 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The fire of God fell from the heavens and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

17 While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

18 While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 19 when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[a]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.”

22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Anyone who loses a family member, let alone your whole family and still can go on is amazing to me.  My cousin John Nicastro comes to mind.  His son, JJ dies at the young age of twelve, suddenly.  Please see the link I have included.  Read his letter to JJ.  Now how can you go on living and praising God after that.  I know I still am living, thank God, but it is hard not so say something like God, why did you give me this A.C.C?  I know you say there is nothing you give me that I can’t handle, but there are days that is so hard and I think God isn’t there, or that I will break.  What gets me through that dark time is know there are many other beautiful people with A.C., some far worse than I, and I get grounded again.

Below is one of my favorite passages from the Bible.  It was a theme to a camp I went to called C.A.M.P.S.  It is an acronym that stands for Christ as my personal Savior.  I still love it, but what is the plan that God has for me?  At one time, I wanted to grow up and be Larry Bird.  My hands made that all but impossible.  Then I wanted to grow up and be in a rock and roll band.

Jeremiah 29-11jeremiah-29-11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What is the plan?  Where do I stand?  Where do we stand?  Until next time?

Brian Malaquias


Out of the Hospital and going to school:

Hi All,

So, where were we on the last post of this continuous journey?  Oh yes, my operation.  Well, it was a success.  I walk and run just fine now, well so long as my A.C.C. does sccartoon_wheelchairrew up my coordination.

I didn’t realize till years later that my sister was so jealous of me when I had my operation.  When I got out of the hospital, my family was fixed on me getting better, and not to the oldest; the princess of the family.  My aunts, uncles and cousins were all asking me how everything went and wanted to sign my casts.  They threw me a welcome home party and that was very nice.  I was getting a lot of attention, and I think, even to this day, my sister is hurt by that.  Yes, I agree, she needs to get over it.

I must confess, that the struggles weren’t over after the operation, in fact, they were just beginning.  For one, school was starting and I needed to take the small school bus to school.  The one that was handicap accessible.  Oh yeah, that went over real well with the kids.  That is when the hatred of the R word really started.  Kids can be so mean, cruel and really sadistic at times, and I was the brunt of a whole pile of crap that was hand delivered to me on a daily basis.  I remember having the casts on for a good 6 weeks,  It felt like 60 years to me,

Toward the end of that 6 weeks, something awful happened to me that is one of the most humiliating and down right mean things that could ever happen to anyone, not just me.  It was the end of the school day and I was wheeling myself down to the exit of the school.  Some punk kid, to this day, I don;t know exactly who it was, ran by and licked up my brakes on both sides of the wheelchair.  Well, I went crashing forward and the momentum of the entire event pulled the wheelchair directly over me and I was trapped.  This is in front of the whole school mind you.  Kids are walking and running by throwing their laughs and insults my way.  That was an awful day.

Looking back on days like that at school, it is a wonder I didn’t toss myself off the Tobin Bridge the way Charles Stuart did.  Granted he did it for a different reason, but you get the point.  Yes, I hated school, I loathed school.  I would invent sicknesses to my mom, or just not want to go for a whole list of reasons.  It was hard to trick her.  Yes, there were days, when I was really suck, but most of the time, I wasn’t.  I would put the thermometer on the lamp light to jack up my temp, but she got wise to that very quick.  I even tried the clammy hands from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  That was a winner for a while.  My mom brought me up to be nice to others.  To treat them as you would want to be treated.  I was nice.  The problem was I was too nice, and I didn’t really have a back bone.  My dad beat me so much I was deathly afraid of being hurt.

Finding an outlet with my drums.

Me Drumming

I know I have said some bad things about my dad in these blog posts.  I probably will continue to do so throughout this journey.  To say we didn’t get a long is the understatement of the millennium.  He was a raging alcoholic who wasn’t  a great father or husband for that matter.  I am not going to say he was the worst.  Not by a long shot, but he sure wasn’t the best.   He did give me one gift that I look to pass on to my children.  That is the art of playing drums, and the love of music.

LouNew Horrisions

My dad, pictured above, is a self-taught drummer.  I come from a long line of really good drummers.  He was in a wedding and gigging band call the New Horizons back in the late 70’s and early 80’s.  This explains the wardrobe.  YUCK!!!!  Look at the ruffles.  Well anyway it was a great thing to be doing for extra cash when you have a family.  I actually inherited the brown Ludwig set shown above when my dad bought the green Pearl Export 5 piece you saw in my video of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”.  By the time I got the Ludwig kit it was beat to Hell, but I didn’t care.  I actually started playing on our world book encyclopedia  Remember those kiddy’s?  Oh yeah, I didn’t think so.  You guys have the internet now.  🙂

I don’t really remember any formal lessons from my dad.  This is a good thing because if he went the traditional route, I probably would have given up.  He placed one book down were each drum would be on the set.  Then he placed one above on the right for the ride cymbal and one on the left for the crash cymbal.  Then he placed one to the left of the snare drum book for the high-hat?  I hope I  haven’t lost you guys yet.  Okay I added a photo layout of Neil Peart’s DW drum kit to give you an idea.  Picture books where drums and Drum Godcymbals go, just not as many as Mr. Peart’s.  He is one of the top three greatest drummers ever of all time.  He is up their with Keith Moon and John Bonham.  Please tell me you know these drummers.  I know I am a bit of a throw back when it comes to music, for you kids out there listening to Justin Bieber, but these guys are the real deal.  So this book set up was all across my bead, and he got ne a chair to sit ay the edge of my bed.  He told me where to put my feet for the imaginary pedals for the bass drum and hi-hat.

So off we went.  Dad and I on this musical journey.  I guess he said I picked it up very quickly.  He showed me that all I needed to do in the beginning was to count to four and for a straight rock beat like Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir”, or The Beatles “Hey Jude”, you just had to know what part of the kit to it and when.  That was the secret.  He would give me a straight rock beat to learn, then he would play me a Beatles record, or an Eagles record and say see, this is the beat.  I got it.  The only thing left to do was to figure out the fills in between the straight beats.  So I was hooked.  I had all of my dad’s old records of the Beatles.  I learned as many songs as I could.  Then, when I was a bit older, I would buy tapes and play the drum parts along with my favorite songs.

This was probably a great therapy for me, even though I didn’t know it at the time.  I went on to be my dad’s roadie and even had my own middle school rock band.  We played the dances and it was really fun.  I played in the Ipswich High School pep band, concert band and jazz band too.  After high school, I really got away from it.  I mean I can still play, and every now and then I sit in on a song with a band if Sarah and I go out.  Have two small children makes this tough.

My mother-in-law saw me play a song once when we were visiting them up north in New Hampshire, and she sort of grilled me about how I should get a band like the one I was playing with and make money.  I know I probably sounded like a pessimist to her, but I told her that is very hard to do.  First, you need to have 4 players who are committed to putting the time in.  That is actually the hardest part.  Playing once or twice a month is the easy part.  Promoting, booking, and practicing 2 to three times a week is a commitment.  Also, you need to sound good.  I remember a buddy of mine in college whom I am still friends with today were kind of jamming around and we knew a lot of songs.  We thought how great it would be to start a band.  We tried out so many people who thought they could play, but they really couldn’t.  Chris and I would say something like lets play “Cocaine” by Clapton.  And the guitarist would fumble through it.  See, Chris, the bass play and I were so far along musically that we needed people who could play the song all the way through with very little trouble.  Most people can’t do that.

Now here is a question I have always wanted to ask.  How can a guy like me play the drums?  Not just play the drums, but play them at a very high level.  I have recorded with bands before.  Okay they were demos of songs we covered and wrote, but still, that is good.  How can that be and I have A.C.C.?  Thoughts?

I really don’t know where to pick up from here for the next blog.  Well, I am sure I will think of something to write about.  I want to thank you guys for hitting a thousand looks on this blog over the weekend.  I am so happy I can do this for you. My word, 1633 words.  I had a lot to say.  Until next time.

Me playing Beat It.

Good Morning everyone.  I thought I would post this first today before moving on with the next installment of my life blog.  I know this is a bit dated, but maybe you (and even me at times) can see that even with a disability, you can still be good at things.  You young people may not remember this song.  Also, I wish the boom box was louder.  I was only 8 and got very tired.

  I had a very busy weekend with family stuff, but I plan to get back into the writing mode today.  Have a great week everyone. 




I want to ask a question that I am not sure I know the answer to.  Is there a link between ACC and depression or anxiety?  Do any of you suffer from depression, anxiety, or both?  I do.  The sad thing is, I really didn’t do anything about it until right before I met my wife Sarah.  I suffered with this all through my middle school years, my high school years, and college to.  I was such a mess.  I think mentally, I knew something was wrong with me that made me who I was, that I hated, but I didn’t know what that one thing was.  The reason why I didn’t take anything for my depression was that I didn’t want to get labeled a lunatic or some schizophrenic.

I take Celexa now.  It helps.  It isn’t a cure, but it helps.  Robin Williams talks about a drug he wants to invent called, well I can’t say what he says but lets just say it is called screw-it-all.  I wish there was something I could take where I am always happy, but that just isn’t so.  I don’t want to sound like Debbie Downer,  but it seems as though happiness isn’t something tangible you can grab hold of and keep.  I guess it just comes in small doses.  Happiness is a the touch of a first kiss, cup of coffee, a cigarette, or the feeling of acceptance, of recognition.  What do you guys think?

One of the things that drives me nuts about my dad is his attitude towards me.  Weather he wants to admit it our not, he always plays the Monday morning quarterback with me.  In other words he is the worlds biggest hypocrite.  He will look at me and say, do you enjoy being depressed?  Oh, so I like this feeling of dread, worry, and hurt all day long for weeks at a time.  It is easy to say look at life with the glass half full when you had a plan for yourself, and it worked out pretty good.  My situation is much different.  He doesn’t understand.  Hell, he didn’t even believe that I had A.C.C. till my disability kicked in a few months back.  He probably was like, wow, he wasnt making it up to get attention, Hell, if the state is giving him money, then he isn’t lying.  You know?  On the advise of a friend with A.C.C., I showed him my CT-Scan, and he just couldn’t see it.  I even printed out a picture of a normal brain, and showed him the difference, and he couldn’t see.  He is a stubborn Portage!!!

I know I am dealing with a load if stuff, but all I ask is to be loved and respected.  I feel nothing coming my way like that around here.  I remember when I was younger, there were a few special needs kids at my school.  Everyone laughed at them and called them the R word.  I despise that word so much I can’t even say it or spell it.  All these years later, I wonder if people look at me like that.  I have become paranoid at times when I look at people and I see a certain look.  A look like, the line from Forest Gump.  and I am paraphrasing here, but it goes something like, don’t mind him, he is just a local idiot.  We all have feelings, and for so many years, mine feel like they have been through the neat grinder, you know?

Does anyone have any ideas for helping me with feeling so down?  Maybe meditating, but how do you do that?  I have tried to start reading more and that has helped out a bit.  Being transported into another world is fun.  I have also started reading and listening to inspirational speakers like Les Brown and Tim Robbins.  Finding the time with two kids is tough though.  I thought about running, but I havent done that since high school.  One of the themes that you will see written throughout these blogs besides A.C.C. is alcoholism, or drinking.  I am not an alcoholic, but I would classify myself as a borderline problem drinker.  Now alcohol and depression do not mix, I get it.  I just need to have a better outlook I guess.  How do I do it?  Thoughts?  Suggestions?



Good Morning Everyone,

First off I want to say what a thrill it is to see so many people responding so positively to my blog.  In the first day, I had 370 views.  That makes me so happy because I know my words are getting out there to the masses and helping parents with kids who have ACC or other kids or adults who have ACC.  🙂Sleeping  In this blog post, I will discuss becoming a dad and the steps and research Sarah and I went through to find out if our children would have ACC.  I hope this post helps those couples who are trying for a family.

Sarah and I wanted answers, and not just general answers, we wanted cold hard facts and stats.  The problem was we couldn’t get specific stats or percentages.  Sarah and I talked about this a lot before we started trying to conceive a .  I said to her things like I want to know what the exact percentage was of my son or daughter getting ACC from me.  We agreed that if the percentage was very high, say like 80%, we would adopt. Me and Ben

I wish I could say that we got the definitive answers we were looking for, but we didn’t.  I asked my doctor, as well as several other doctors and neurologists all the same questions.  I combed the internet and read books on the subject for months.  I even let my concerns be known to my A.C.C. friends on Facebook and we always got the same answer.  No one can be sure.  It could be high, it could be low.

Needless to say, Sarah and I did a lot of praying and soul-searching and we decided to go ahead a start trying.  They way we figured it was that A.C.C. can be seen prenatally with the use of an ultrasound.  Sure enough, when the ultrasound showed a very active baby girl with a perfect little brain, we were thrilled.


Oh and guys out there, there is one more thing.  I don’t care who you are.  It doesn’t matter if you are a big tough guy, or a hopeless romantic like me.  Your heart melts and you well up, the first time you hear that heart beat.  Oh, and another thing, yes, you will grow to sometimes hate a baby’s cry.  Well, for me, it is the constant nagging, and wining that gets me.  But when you first hear your baby cry and gulp in that very first breath of air, that is the greatest.  Sometimes you have to wait a bit for it.  That happened with Ben.  It seemed like an eternity, but once we heard it, we breathed a sigh of relief and were overjoyed.

I would really like parents feedback on this one.  Did you do the same due diligence as Sarah and I?  Did you try something else?  What other avenues did you travel down?  Please let me know.  Yeah, I know.  Emily and I sleep the same way.  🙂  Until next time?



Hi gang,

I am back for another blog.  In this blog, I pose a question to all you wonderful A.C.C. people out there.  Has this happened to you?  And if so, how frequently?  I am sure you know what I am about to say.  You are at a party and you know this really great joke, and then you go to tell it and the thought leaves your brain.  Even worse, you could be in the middle of the joke, and then everything blanks and you have no idea what in Gods name you were talking about.

homerNow I have seen Bill Cosby 49.  It is incredibly funny.  Bill, the master of comedy, in my humble opinion, talks about turning 49 and how things just go.  In this case, the brain.  He talks about how his parents use to talk to their friends and say stuff like their mind was playing tricks on them.  As a teen, he would sit and listen to this and crack up laughing because he thought it was stupid.  Well, I am not 49.  I am 37, but I can relate to this because this happens to me all the time.  The A.C.C. seems to short my brain waves out.  I know people can get dementia, or the brain just goes after a while, but that is when you are in your eighties or nineties.

This doesn’t just happen when I would be speaking, though that is probably the most common time it does occurs.  I could be doing anything, and the activity I was about to do is gone faster than the Millennium Falcon traveling through hyperspace.  As a kid, my parents use to think I was forgetful Jones from Sesame Street.  Remember that guy?  For you young people, you are probably drawing a blank, but the older folks know who I am talking about.  I must have gone through two dozen coats,  wind breakers, and hoodies as a kid, because I would forget to get it before I left a restaurant, sports practice, or whatever the event was.

School was incredibly difficult because of this one fact.  I would study very hard, sometimes for four hours straight, then go in and take the test.  I would be so pressured to do well from my dad, that I would be a wreck.  I would almost always come out of the test so confused.  I would come home and my dad would ask how it went.  I would usually yes him to death and say that I felt good about it, but to be honest, I felt terrible.  I would get the test and swear half the things on the test, I never saw before in my life.  It was as if I was looking at this material for the first time.  I would get the test back and usually it was an F, or a D, or at best a C.  Not all the time, but most of the time, and my dad would be so angry that I failed.  He was a teacher.  Growing up with him was brutal at times.  He got so mad at times, that he would beat me.  He would call me stupid, or get mad at me for lying to him because he would say things like why did I say I did okay, then come home with an F.

If there is one thing I am not going to do with my children is make them feel bad.  If I help them, and I know they are ready, the results don’t really concern me.  I mean if they get great grades, that is fantastic, but if they don’t, I know they did their best, and that is all that matters to me.  I implore the parents of children with A.C.C. to remain calm, patient and completely supportive of your children in everything they do.

Driving can be hard too.  I have so many thoughts racing through my brain trying to get where they need to go that many times, on my drives out of the house to get away from my dad, I would pull over after a while and say to myself, where the hell am I?  Or how the hell did I end up here?  Now, 99% of the time when I am driving, Sarah is with me.

I will touch on these points more in my My Life blog segments, but I just wanted to ask can you relate to this?  Am I the only one deals with this?